All Good Things Must Come To An End

This is me 2018. It’s been a year of extreme highs and inevitable lows; growing and birthing a beautiful baby boy has been magical, momentous and equally terrifying!

Motherhood has connected me to a love so profound it scares me how fiercely one can love another human; but parenthood has also brought me to my knees, literally. I’ve been floored both physically and emotionally and some days I’ve barely recognised the woman staring back at me in the mirror.

I’ve been pushed to all of my edges and limits and there have been days when I’ve cracked and broken into a gazillion pieces. Feeling vulnerable is an understatement. Parenting has a way of unearthing all of your unhealed wounds and past traumas. (I highly recommend it, it’s great therapy!)

Yet even in my darkest hours a silent voice has reminded me that I’m also resilient AF, and this woman is by no means shattered beyond repair. In fact, quite the opposite. I’ve earnt my strong Mumma wings and I am spreading them far and wide in 2019 with nothing but love and gratitude for this transformational journey I’m on. I welcome the continuing growth and expansion that’s to come for both myself and my little family.

I gave up on New Years resolutions years ago, but I do like to set a theme for the year and I’m making 2019 my year of TRUST.

I am trusting in myself, I am trusting in my intuition, I am trusting in my worth as a woman, I trust in my capacity to continue to give as a mother, I trust in the goodness of others, I trust that the Universe has our back and is supporting my family regardless of what life throws our way.

And on that note I’m shaking my booty into 2019 with a twinkle in my eye and a heart full of love, compassion, acceptance, forgiveness, faith and gratitude for all I have learnt and all I am willing to let go of.

2018, thank you for the lessons. 2019, I am ready!

I will be taking a break for blogging on WordPress but you can find me on Instagram and Facebook by following the links in the sidebar 👉🏻

Dear Dad has been my home for 5 years of writing, but I’ll admit I’ve struggled to maintain my blog since becoming a mother. It doesn’t feel right blogging here when I simply don’t have the time to reciprocate by reading all of your magical blogs.

And so I am taking a break from this platform but will continue to post on my Instagram feed!

I will reserve this space for its original intent, which was, and still is, a place for me to simply say: Dear Dad…

Thank you for being so supportive over the years and for the loving connections I have gained from this sacred space, I love each and every one of you 💖

Love always

Peace out ✌🏻

Hayley xx

Dear Dad

Dear Dad, as I sit here on the Eve of Christmas watching our baby boy play, I can’t help but wish you were here; yet…something in the twinkle of his eye and the curve of his smile tells me you are 💙

I will always love you, I will never forget you… Thank you for being my Dad, my hero, our guiding star 💫

Here’s to those special souls who cannot be with us this Christmas; whose presence, though deeply missed, will be always be felt,

Love always,

Hayley xx

Happiness, A Direction

I was saddened to hear an old school friend recently passed, leaving behind his family and son. I later learned he’d battled with depression. My heart felt heavy.

So many who feel burdened, or that they are a burden on others, feel their only answer is to take matters into their own hands. So many lives lost, so many hurting families are left to pick up the broken pieces. It’s times like this I remember how important my mindfulness and emotional awareness work with children really is. Could depression really be prevented by teaching children self awareness and emotional regulation? I believe so.

How often have you heard, or even repeated this line: “I’ll be happy when… *insert perceived doorway to happiness here*

This is part of the problem we face; feeling powerless and placing our happiness on external events, but happiness is not OUT THERE. Happiness is not a place in the future we have yet to arrive at. It’s in here 👉🏻❤️

Happiness is an inside job, it’s a feeling, a choice, a direction of focus, a decision to be grateful regardless of our circumstances. It’s also an act of self love, a recognition of our own self worth.

Once we realise that possessions and people are not the primary source of our happiness, we can begin to take control of our own peace and joy.

“But my husband makes me happy? My children are a great source of joy…My home brings me peace…” All very true and valid statements, to which I relate to every one. I adore our home for the sanctuary it brings and I love my family unconditionally. They stimulate my joy and happiness all the time. (Notice how I said MY joy.) They awaken the happiness that ALREADY EXISTS within me by their sheer existence and presence in my life. And whilst that means my joy would be severely depleted if ever they were to leave, ultimately, my happiness would still remain, even if a little more dormant. It would be up to me to choose (or not choose) to reawaken my joy.

‘Where our attention goes, energy flows.’

And it’s precisely this flow of energy that drives our experiences and ultimately, our sense of happiness. Some days it’s harder than others, some days we just need to feel all the feels and that’s ok too. Just remember, if those days turn into weeks, months and even years, it’s ALWAYS ok to reach out and ask for help.

Today, may you feel the deep sense of peace within you. May all the people and circumstances you meet stir the infinite well of joy in your soul.

Love always,

Hayley xx

Learning To Walk

Our subconscious mind can be our worst enemy, yet it can also be our greatest teacher and ally.

Most of our habits and automatic reactions stem from our subconscious mind. These auto responses are usually triggered when we’re caught off guard.

For this reason, most of us have a negative relationship with our subconscious mind because it seems to keep us stuck in the past, binding us to old worn out beliefs.

But without our subconscious mind we’d be f*cked.

We need auto responses. It’s what enables us to drive a car without too much thought and allows us to walk without thinking.

We couldn’t always walk and drive this way. It took a lot of falling over, stopping and starting and stalling before it became easy. But we got there in the end through practice, patience, perseverance, sheer grit and determination. Why? Because we believed we could.

Our subconscious mind is trained to act out our beliefs.

What beliefs are holding you back and keeping you stuck on replay? Is everyone out to get you? Is money hard to come by? Trust no-one. Nothing comes for free! Life is hard…

Today, make peace with your subconscious. Consider which old, worn out beliefs are standing between you and the life you deserve.

What new beliefs and behaviours can you make part of your present day reality? Now, just like this little girl, ☝🏻 put one foot in front of the other and don’t give up.

Dare to take that first step towards your dreams.

Love always,

Hayley xx

The Problem Is Not The Problem

As a Mummy who’s nursing a growing baby boy, I see firsthand how constant feeding rapidly increases growth. The same is true of our troubles – the more we feed them, the bigger they grow. ‘Energy flows where attention goes.’ – Michael Beckwith

The more attention we pay to our problems, the bigger our problems become.

This week, as our little one heads into his first growth spurt, we’ve been faced with the challenge of an unsettled baby each night.

In life, and as parents, it’s important to avoid getting too hung up on our troubles and to try to adopt a solution focussed mindset. Even the simple act of ‘letting go’ is far more freeing than trying to ‘fix’ everything and everyone.

Parenting is demanding business and the more we can pull together as a team the more energy we have to share our love and joy with one another.

Difficulties in life are inevitable. If we can learn to welcome adversity, we can trust in our learning and growth.

Today, when faced with a challenging situation, remember: It’s not the problem that’s the problem, but your response and attitude towards the problem.

Love always,

Hayley xx

Baby Blues

‘Baby blues, baby blues, all caught up in those baby blues.’ – The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band

This has been my song for the last three days. At first I thought there was something wrong with me. How can I feel so joyful yet so sad at the same time?

Bursting into tears for no apparent reason whilst my heart simultaneously swells with love for this little soul we’ve created is an overwhelming cocktail of emotions.

And then I heard of ‘the baby blues.’ 80% of women will experience the baby blues and it usually passes within 2 to 3 days.

However, if you find you are feeling teary, anxious, and irritable with moods that are up and down for longer than two weeks, reach out for support from friends and family, as well as professionals as you may be experiencing early signs of post natal depression.

Remember to be gentle on yourself and don’t be afraid to ask for help. Giving birth is a huge undertaking on a woman’s body and emotions and now is not the time to berate yourself. You are doing the best you can.

Bad days don’t make you a bad mum, they simply remind you that you are human; not superwoman.

Trust that like anything, in time, it will pass. You’ve got this Mumma!

Love always,

Hayley xx

The Best You Have To Give

What are you worried about? Where in your life are you avoiding something because of fear?

For a large part of my pregnancy I worried myself silly about labour and unnecessary hospital interventions. I’d heard countless horror stories (and have thankfully discovered tonnes of positive ones since!) and the thought of birth left me terrified.

‘Worry is the number one thief of our time, and has the power to rob you of the beauty of today.’

If you were to let go of your worrying, what beauty could be found in this moment?

Many of us remain safe in our comfort zone because a lot of our fears can be avoided. Unfortunately, birth and death are not one of them.

If you had no choice but to face your fears with courage, what changes would you make today to your mindset? Your spirit? Your HEART?

Don’t waste a moment longer feeling fearful. Acknowledge what you’re scared of, ‘feel the fear and do it anyway.’

Trust that everything will work out for your highest good.

Love Always,

Hayley xx

Anything Is Possible

After a day of particularly agonising pelvic floor pains (my own fault for pushing my pregnant body to walk further than was comfortable) I woke this morning feeling very sorry for myself.

‘I feel so limited!’ I heard myself say as I winced with each step. And back to my horizontal position I returned.

I love the way pregnancy forces us to stop and slow down. Natures way of conserving our energy for the big day? I believe so.

As I surrendered to rest, my body thanked me and I took the opportunity to strengthen my mindset instead.

Limiting thoughts of “If I can’t cope with pregnancy discomfort, how on Earth will I cope with labour discomfort?” were promptly pushed aside.

It’s ok to feel vulnerable and yes, it’s even ok to have a little moan. Just as long as we acknowledge that we are only limited by our beliefs.

A few hours later and my pelvic floor has eased. I am feeling more energised and yes, even excited for our impending birth!

Because truly, anything is possible with a little faith and belief.

Love always,

Hayley xx

Soulful Sunday #60: The Other Side Of Fear

Welcome to my fifty-sixth instalment of ‘Soulful Sundays’; a weekly share where I post a roundup of soulful reflections, each including recipes, songs, quotes, blogs I have read and/or any other inspirational discoveries to sooth the soul.

For me, Sunday’s have become a day of quiet contemplation and simple pleasures. A time to reflect on the week gone by and to consider my dreams and intentions for the week ahead.

My hope is to extend some love outward and to share some simple pleasures with anyone who cares to receive them.

Soul Reflections

Fear is debilitating. It can literally leave us paralysed with anxiety.

There is a famous quote (and book for that matter) by Susan Jeffers who reminds us:

Feel the fear and do it anyway.

My biggest work over the last few months has been to face my fears around labour, particularly around the ‘normal’ practice of hospitals whose medical interventions often result in unnecessary trauma for both Mum and baby. Don’t get me wrong, in a medical emergency these procedures can save lives; but in a normal, safe, healthy pregnancy and birth, such interventions often cause more harm than good.  Is it any wonder then, that we hear so many horror stories about birth?

Once my fears were acknowledged, I could then begin to dissolve them. I turned to natural birthing books and absorbed myself in the thousands of positive birth stories (yes – they exist!!!) each contained. The more I read, the more I began to meet women who had birthed naturally, and with less complications (if any) than those who had birthed at the hands of doctors and drugs.

We also decided on Hypno-birthing classes to prepare ourselves for a calm birth using breath work, relaxations, visualisations, strengthening affirmations and natures own pain relief; oxytocin – all of which helped to deepen our confidence and trust in a natural birth.

Whilst our preparations do not guarantee us a smooth, uninterrupted birth with little to no complication or medical intervention; what they do provide us with are the innate tools to birth in love and trust, rather than shrouded in fear.

Of course, there are always some residue fears of the unknown and lingering What if’s? But since the only way out of my birth is through, I must ‘feel the fear and do it anyway.’

The only way out is through.

– Robert Frost

And through we shall go, in love and trust.

Soul Strolls

With three weeks to go until we meet our baby, strolling has become somewhat of a waddle! The pelvic pressure is real haha And so, after finishing my last week of work last Friday, I decided to put my feet up and rest this pregnant body.

I booked in for a pregnancy massage at Endota Spa (which was the best massage I’ve ever had, and I’ve had a lot!) and soaked up the healing vibes. I plan to spend the next three weeks resting and nourishing myself and our baby, and enjoying our last few weeks as a ‘two.’

‘Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.’ – Marcel Proust

Soul Recipes

This recipe is an oldy but a goody of mine. I love using my slow cooker, and this dish lends itself perfectly to one. It’s hearty, it’s comforting, it’s delicious and it’s even healthy My Hearty Lentil Curry gets a thumbs up every time. Let me know what you think!

Yummy lentil curry!

Soul Music

On the other side of fear lies freedom and peace. So today I would love to share this delightfully peaceful track by Ashana titled Deep Peace. Put you feet up, take a deep breath in and receive the deep peace flowing to you. Now sigh and release. You are free. You are safe. You are secure and loved.

Soul Sisters

Today I would love to share this beautifully nourishing poem titled Bliss by Aroused. A timely reminder for us to connect with our intuition within and to trust.

Wrapping you all in a warm loving hug on this soulful Sunday.

Love always,

Hayley xx

Soulful Sunday #55: Beautiful Bodies

Welcome to my fifty-fifth instalment of ‘Soulful Sundays’; a weekly share where I post a roundup of soulful reflections, each including recipes, songs, quotes, blogs I have read and/or any other inspirational discoveries to sooth the soul.

For me, Sunday’s have become a day of quiet contemplation and simple pleasures. A time to reflect on the week gone by and to consider my dreams and intentions for the week ahead.

My hope is to extend some love outward and to share some simple pleasures with anyone who cares to receive them.

Soul Reflections

At seven and a half months pregnant, I’m amazed by the number of women who feel compelled to comment on the size of my bump, comparing its size to that of their friend who is ‘due two weeks before me and is SO much smaller’, so small in fact you can ‘hardly tell’. I’ve even had my belly compared to a basket ball!

I’d like to think the women delivering these words are well intentioned and simply unaware of the potential harm their comments can cause. Still, I can’t help but feel a little disheartened that body comparison is so prevalent, even during pregnancy.

Isn’t a women supposed to feel beautiful and bountiful in her pregnant body? Is the fullness of her tummy not the fullest expression of creation itself? A time to celebrate the changes in her body as it nurtures new life within?

I have to acknowledge that I’ve also had many women tell me I look beautiful and stunning as I bloom to full size. To those Divine Goddesses; I salute you. For you are the ones who focus not on the ‘neatness of the bump’, or for how long it can remain disguised or ‘unnoticed’; but instead on the natural beauty to be embraced throughout the many changing phases of a woman’s body.

Today, let’s lift each other up. Let’s celebrate our bodies; big, small, teeny or tall, remembering that we are ALL Divine.

Soul Strolls

This week’s soul strolling took place in the hospital. We had our hospital tour where we were able to walk through where we’ll go on the day of our birthing. Despite having had some fears around birthing in a hospital, as I walked the corridors I blessed them with love and repeated the mantra, ‘All is well. I have nothing to fear. Love, peace, harmony and joy surround and indwell me.’

The Mercy Hospital for Women does feel like a safer space than my previous hospital. The midwives are very supportive of a natural birth with as little intervention as possible. I trust I am in safe hands.

Live your life as if everything is rigged in your favour.

– Rumi

Soul Recipes

My partner loves to buy a Massaman Curry from our local Thai. Since he spent this soulful Sunday working, I decided to surprise him with a Slow Cooked Lamb Massaman which was simply divine! I adapted the recipe slightly (and cheated) by buying a massaman curry paste rather than making my own from scratch, as this recipe suggests. If I owned a food processor I would definitely have attempted the homemade paste in this recipe… I also used carrots, red pepper and red chillies in addition to the potato instead of the green beans, since I already had those vegetables on hand at home.

Needless to say, this dish was yummy and my man had a happy tummy after a hard days work.

Soul Music

I’d love to share Heather Mae’s I Am Enough as a stunning reminder that our body’s are not ‘wrong’ or ‘shameful’. We can be grateful for our body, regardless of our shape or size. This makes me smile each time I listen. Today, give your body a big appreciative hug, tell your body how much you love it… and then have a good ole dance to this feel good track! I’ll be dancing along with you with my pregnant bump 😉

Soul Sisters

I’d love to share the work of a soul sister who has been pivotal in reducing my fears around labour. I bought Kat’s book in my second trimester when I was led to it by a serendipitous moment. It was just what I needed to believe in my abilities to birth my baby naturally. I will be gifting Kat’s work to any pregnant ladies I know! You can find Kat at The Birth Goddess.

Wishing you all a soulful Sunday. May you feel safe, supported and loved, today and always.

Love always,

Hayley xx