All Good Things Must Come To An End

This is me 2018. It’s been a year of extreme highs and inevitable lows; growing and birthing a beautiful baby boy has been magical, momentous and equally terrifying!

Motherhood has connected me to a love so profound it scares me how fiercely one can love another human; but parenthood has also brought me to my knees, literally. I’ve been floored both physically and emotionally and some days I’ve barely recognised the woman staring back at me in the mirror.

I’ve been pushed to all of my edges and limits and there have been days when I’ve cracked and broken into a gazillion pieces. Feeling vulnerable is an understatement. Parenting has a way of unearthing all of your unhealed wounds and past traumas. (I highly recommend it, it’s great therapy!)

Yet even in my darkest hours a silent voice has reminded me that I’m also resilient AF, and this woman is by no means shattered beyond repair. In fact, quite the opposite. I’ve earnt my strong Mumma wings and I am spreading them far and wide in 2019 with nothing but love and gratitude for this transformational journey I’m on. I welcome the continuing growth and expansion that’s to come for both myself and my little family.

I gave up on New Years resolutions years ago, but I do like to set a theme for the year and I’m making 2019 my year of TRUST.

I am trusting in myself, I am trusting in my intuition, I am trusting in my worth as a woman, I trust in my capacity to continue to give as a mother, I trust in the goodness of others, I trust that the Universe has our back and is supporting my family regardless of what life throws our way.

And on that note I’m shaking my booty into 2019 with a twinkle in my eye and a heart full of love, compassion, acceptance, forgiveness, faith and gratitude for all I have learnt and all I am willing to let go of.

2018, thank you for the lessons. 2019, I am ready!

I will be taking a break for blogging on WordPress but you can find me on Instagram and Facebook by following the links in the sidebar 👉🏻

Dear Dad has been my home for 5 years of writing, but I’ll admit I’ve struggled to maintain my blog since becoming a mother. It doesn’t feel right blogging here when I simply don’t have the time to reciprocate by reading all of your magical blogs.

And so I am taking a break from this platform but will continue to post on my Instagram feed!

I will reserve this space for its original intent, which was, and still is, a place for me to simply say: Dear Dad…

Thank you for being so supportive over the years and for the loving connections I have gained from this sacred space, I love each and every one of you 💖

Love always

Peace out ✌🏻

Hayley xx

Roses and Thorns

Life is full of duality; love – hate; light – dark, peace – war; up – down; good – evil; life – death…

Life is a bed of roses when everything is going smoothly and all we feel is love, peace, harmony and joy. But when life’s contrasts show up, which inevitably they do, they are often met with some resistance.

But the ‘thorns’ of life form a necessary part of our existence. Without them, how would we know and come to appreciate their opposite?

For example, how can we be fully alive without the knowledge that one day we will meet death? How can we feel warmth without having first experienced cold? How can we know the fullness of true love if we’ve yet to meet with heartache and pain?

Instead of viewing life’s contrasts as something ‘bad’ to be avoided, we can begin to appreciate the learning and growth we gain from such moments.

We needn’t LOVE the thorns as such, but we do need to respect them; for every rose in life bares thorns of wisdom🌹

Love always,

Hayley xx

Thank you

I’ll be the first to testify that the more we are grateful for the things we have in life; the more life provides us with things to be grateful for.

So why is gratitude the first thing we let slide the moment the shit hits the fan?

A good friend of mine recently said; “It’s easy to be grateful when all of your ducks are lined up… But if you can look for the good and stay grateful when life is a struggle, THAT’s when the real magic happens.” Wise words 🙏🏻

Today, see the beauty in all situations. Even the ones that are there to test you. Because ultimately, those are the experiences that urge you to grow, to evolve and to expand your horizons.

And that is why I’m choosing to see the beauty in my sadness today…

On this day 13 years ago heaven needed another angel, and decided you were the one Dad..

In your memory, I’d like to reflect on the gifts you blessed me with in hope that I can offer my baby the same unconditional love you bestowed upon me as a little girl.

💫 Bear hugs. I was never too old or too grumpy to receive one of your warm bear hugs. And even if I was, and tried to side step your cuddles – you’d stretch out your arm and reel me in with an anaconda type grip that said: “You’re receiving my love, grumpy or not, now take it!” …I will never deny my son a hug… (Even if he’s being a little sh*t 😝)

💫 Your weirdness. Your humour was unique, unapologetic and had us all in fits of belly laughter! I will teach my son to embrace his weirdness and to never apologise for who he is!

💫 Protection. Your nature was gentle and loving, but MY GOD if anyone ever interfered with our happiness you were FIERCELY protective and would shield us with your strength. I will teach my son to be his own pillar of strength should anyone ever threaten his sense of self.

💫 Humbleness. You faced many adversities during your brief time here, yet you remained humble throughout. Rarely did I hear you complaining or wishing for things to be different… I will teach my son that he is always enough and to count his blessings, even in times of adversity.

Thank you for everything that you taught me Dad 🙏🏻

Loving you always, forgetting you never 🙏🏻💙 xx

Beautiful Pulsating Life

This week my partner flew to New Zealand to be by his Uncles side as he transitioned from this lifetime.

Losing loved ones is never easy, and being so close to death certainly gives cause for reflection of the important things in life; family, relationships, connection…

Today, take a moment to give thanks for those simple blessings we often take for granted – those things that money can’t buy; air in your lungs to breathe, limbs to move freely, laughter in your heart, the earth beneath your feet, someone to love and to hold…LIFE beautiful pulsating life.

Life can be ever so fleeting. Let us not waste it longing for what we do not have, when we can give thanks for all that is already ours.

Love always,

Hayley xx

A New Day

Life is rarely perfect. Last week I failed to meet deadlines, managed to work through only half of my to do list, and arrived at the end of the week feeling like I’d accomplished very little. There were disagreements, disappointments, tears and set backs, but amidst the chaos that is life, I can wholeheartedly say: “I am grateful for each and every moment.” As mentioned before, life is rarely perfect – but we can learn to love our perfectly imperfect lives.

When things don’t go according to plan, look for the beauty in the lessons. Take note of all that you have to be thankful for. If life appears to rush by faster than a Busta Rhymes rap, take a moment to breathe. Give yourself permission to do absolutely nothing. Sometimes we need to lose ourselves in the many contrasts of life to remember that life is for living; the good, the not so good, and the crazy!

In releasing some of the expectations we place on ourselves we can learn to accept life as it is. We make peace with the parts of our lives that are working for us, and those parts which need some tweaks. Experience and observation allows us to regain some momentum and clarity, and it is through this process of trial and error that we can begin to make the necessary adjustments

Today, let go of the ‘what ifs’, the ‘should haves’ and the ‘could haves’ and embrace this new day. Release all expectations of what today should be. Whatever life throws at you, give thanks for it’s many lessons and blessings.

In love & light,

Hayley xx

p.s I though you might like to hear a mega fast Busta Rhymes rap! Enjoy 😉

The Beauty of Your dreams

In the pursuit of my dreams I was once challenged with; “What if you fail, Hayley?” My response was the same truth I tell the children I teach; “There are no failures. Only lessons. FAIL stands for First Attempt In Learning.”

If things don’t work out, we can grow from the experience and apply the lessons moving forward. Failure is simply an opportunity for growth and expansion.

On your path to freedom and fulfilment, don’t let small minds convince you that your dreams are too big. There have been moments in my life when the stars have not aligned, but I truly believe that if circumstances don’t work out it’s because a far greater opportunity awaits us or there is more wisdom to be gained. Divine timing is at work in each our lives, so trust in the process of life itself. Believe in the beauty of your dreams and never lose sight of them in the face of adversity.

Your dreams are real. So go after them.

In love & light,

Hayley xx 

Choose. Then Do.

There is no such thing as ‘failing’, only perceived failures. So don’t allow anyone to tell you that you have failed. And certainly don’t think yourself a failure. When something doesn’t work out, there is usually a reason why.

‘If it doesn’t open, it’s not your door.’

– Jamie Gonzalez.

Think not defeat. Defeat says: ‘I am not good enough.’ And there is simply no place for that kind of negative self-talk if we are to create the life of our dreams – ‘if we think defeat, that’s what we’ll get.’

The next question to ask would be: “Where to from here? Do I try again? Assess what went wrong and take a different approach? Or do I traverse another path entirely?” Because ‘if we are undecided, then nothing will happen for us’ and quite simply, we will remain stuck. It can be both frightening yet exhilarating to explore unknown territory, to discover unchartered lands. But the best part is, we are now equipped with the knowledge and clarity we acquired to help navigate our way. For that is what we really gain from ‘failing’ – insight. Take those lessons and apply them moving forward.

Let us not over analyse what may or may not happen next. Let us not be afraid of things not working out, for we needn’t rely on external sources to reward us with our happiness. Happiness is an inside out job. It serves not to wallow in the past or worry about the future. Simply take action and live for the present moment. Dust yourself off and follow your joy, follow your bliss. Do what makes you smile. It could be as simple as spending time with friends, going on holiday, watching your old time favourite movie or finally making a start on that book or project. Whatever we choose, ‘we must pick something great to do and then do it.’

In love & light,

Hayley xx

Let Go of The ‘Plan’

We can never quite be sure why things don’t always work out as ‘planned’. We may have our hunches as to why we lost that ‘one special person’; or missed out on the ‘perfect job opportunity’; or why we didn’t receive the recognition we were hoping for. We may spend days, weeks, months even, dwelling and deliberating over all of life’s perceived ‘failures’ as we convince ourselves: “If only I were ‘slimmer’, ‘smarter’, ‘worthier’ or ‘different’.”

The truth is, we can never fully comprehend the greater plan. Divine timing is at work in each of our lives and we must trust that everything is in Divine order. Everything is working out for our highest good. As painful as it is to let go, when we surrender our past we pave the way for an even brighter future. As one door closes, another one opens.

Bless the past with love for the teachings and lessons it brought. Be present and trust in the process of life. For ‘we must be willing let go of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.’

In love and light,

Hayley xx

Open Hearts

There are times when our hearts become closed. Just like tender skin that has come into contact with a hot stove; we contract and recoil from the pain. Our body’s defence mechanisms are designed to protect us from further discomfort; if we fail to withdraw, we risk severe burns, or worse still – death. Our natural reaction, therefore, is to retreat.

But what happens when we remain constricted, when we close our hearts through fear of ‘getting burnt’? When we build a wall of protection around us, we cut off the natural flow of love. Not only do we prevent ourselves from giving love, but we also restrict our ability to receive love. What is called for is not complete constriction, but caution; which is simply another word for ‘attention’, or ‘awareness’.

Just as the stove does not purposely set out to burn our skin, it is not usually another’s intent to inflict harm upon us (with the rare exception under extreme circumstances, of course). But more often than not, we get hurt because there was some degree of carelessness involved. Our own carelessness or that of another. Maybe the heat was turned too high and the pot had reached boiling point? Could it be that we rushed in impatiently, or approached at the wrong angle? Maybe we neglected the stove completely and a fire broke lose? Whatever our reasons for getting burnt, regardless of who was to blame, the affects need not result in the permanent closing down of our kitchens. And the same is true of our hearts.

When we remain open, we choose expansion over constriction. The doors are set ajar for love to drift through once more, filling our hearts with the sweet aroma and comfort of joy. To close our hearts is to take a pillow to our souls and smother our very essence. At the core we are love. And to restrict that life force within us is a slow death for fettered hearts. That is not to say that if you are dealing with a hazardous or faulty stove that you shouldn’t replace it, because your safety and wellbeing is paramount. But what I am saying, is that there is no need to stop cooking, to stop loving, to shut up shop and starve.

It is ok to allow ourselves to be vulnerable. We need only exercise more care and attention, that’s all. But what if I am hopeless in the kitchen? – you may ask. As a child raised on boxed food and packet noodles in working class Tameside, I reply: cooking takes practice and patience. We don’t always get it right. Sometimes it leaves our kitchens in complete disarray, or an unpleasant taste in our mouths which can linger –  but when we do manage to create something wonderful, nothing compares to the pleasure and comfort of a sumptuous home cooked meal, prepared with tender loving care.

Those are the ones that warm our hearts, soothe our souls and ‘light the whole sky.’ That, my Dear, is a love that tastes simply divine.

Forgive. And dance.

So many of us struggle to let go of grievances; she did this; he said that; she didn’t do this; he failed to say that. We hold grudges, turning a blind eye to the affects our deep-rooted resentments have on our lives and the lives of those around us. We justify our unhappiness and hold others accountable for the way we feel; if only he’d change, if only she hadn’t treated me that way, if only my circumstances were different – then my life would be so much happier. But when we view life through the lens of non-forgiveness – we give our power away. We become powerless.

Here, I tell the true story of a brave woman named Satta Joe; a story of immense courage and forgiveness. Satta lived in Sierra Leone during the civil war, a time of great upheaval and uncertainty. When the rebels attacked Satta’s village, she became the victim of gang rape. Her husband was shot dead and her seven year old son slaughtered before her very eyes. Curled up in a broken heap on the floor with her newborn child, Satta was left for dead.

The man who had led the attack was Nyuma Saffa, a blood relative of Satta’s who had once tried to force his love upon her. Fueled by his grievance over Satta’s rejection and by his new allegiance to the rebels, he unleashed his attack upon Satta and her family.

Once the civil war had ended, the rebels returned to live in the village. Satta recalls feeling powerless: This was very hard for me, but what was I to do?  And that’s when Fambul Tok (Family Talk) arrived, a community led reconciliation program. They called for a meeting in the village and asked for those who had experienced suffering during the war to speak up. Satta bravely stepped forward and told her story. Fambul Tok then asked that Nyuma Saffa come forward to admit his crimes against Satta and her family. Finally, he confessed.

As part of the reconciliation ritual, Satta and Nyuma were asked to dance together as a way of forgiving the past. Understandably, Satta refused. She couldn’t bear the thought of holding Nyuma’s hands – the same hands that had raped her and killed her family. Though, after much encouragement – she bravely accepted. Satta states: As I took his hand I was sobbing, not out of despair but a sense of relief that perhaps now we could move on from this terrible pain in our past. I didn’t expect it, but they succeeded in making peace between us.

Satta Joe is one of many heroic people who, under horrific and seemingly unforgivable circumstances, have chosen the path of peace.

Forgiveness does not mean that what the other person did was ok. Forgiveness is choosing to shift our focus from one of pain, to peace. We forgive because we want to feel good. And holding onto resentment prevents us from feeling any peace within ourselves. It prevents us from moving forward.

If Satta Joe can forgive this man for inflicting terrible crimes against her and her family; if she can choose peace over pain and sorrow; forgiveness over bitterness and revenge – then isn’t it time we all cleared the floor and danced?