Happiness, A Direction

I was saddened to hear an old school friend recently passed, leaving behind his family and son. I later learned he’d battled with depression. My heart felt heavy.

So many who feel burdened, or that they are a burden on others, feel their only answer is to take matters into their own hands. So many lives lost, so many hurting families are left to pick up the broken pieces. It’s times like this I remember how important my mindfulness and emotional awareness work with children really is. Could depression really be prevented by teaching children self awareness and emotional regulation? I believe so.

How often have you heard, or even repeated this line: “I’ll be happy when… *insert perceived doorway to happiness here*

This is part of the problem we face; feeling powerless and placing our happiness on external events, but happiness is not OUT THERE. Happiness is not a place in the future we have yet to arrive at. It’s in here 👉🏻❤️

Happiness is an inside job, it’s a feeling, a choice, a direction of focus, a decision to be grateful regardless of our circumstances. It’s also an act of self love, a recognition of our own self worth.

Once we realise that possessions and people are not the primary source of our happiness, we can begin to take control of our own peace and joy.

“But my husband makes me happy? My children are a great source of joy…My home brings me peace…” All very true and valid statements, to which I relate to every one. I adore our home for the sanctuary it brings and I love my family unconditionally. They stimulate my joy and happiness all the time. (Notice how I said MY joy.) They awaken the happiness that ALREADY EXISTS within me by their sheer existence and presence in my life. And whilst that means my joy would be severely depleted if ever they were to leave, ultimately, my happiness would still remain, even if a little more dormant. It would be up to me to choose (or not choose) to reawaken my joy.

‘Where our attention goes, energy flows.’

And it’s precisely this flow of energy that drives our experiences and ultimately, our sense of happiness. Some days it’s harder than others, some days we just need to feel all the feels and that’s ok too. Just remember, if those days turn into weeks, months and even years, it’s ALWAYS ok to reach out and ask for help.

Today, may you feel the deep sense of peace within you. May all the people and circumstances you meet stir the infinite well of joy in your soul.

Love always,

Hayley xx

You Are Infinite

Just prior to having my son, I attended a mums and bubs group. A beautiful Mumma was brave enough to share her struggles on becoming a mum. One aspect of motherhood she found particularly challenging was the sudden loss of her identity; no longer was she successful business owner, socialite, spontaneous lover and friend (or so it seemed) – her identity was now: ‘full time mum.’

I’m sure we’ve all identified with this feeling at some stage. When each waking hour (and every sleeping hour for that matter) is spent nursing and caring for your little one, it’s easy to lose sight of the person you once were prior to parenting.

A good friend of mine recently said; “I want to say you’re an amazing mother, but you are so much more than that…”

Her words melted deep into my heart. Without realising, I’d longed to hear those words… she was right. I am so much more than a mother.

I am a woman. I am divine. I am sexy. I am fun. I am a lover, daughter, sister and friend. I am courageous. I am strong. I am resilient. I am determined. I am infinite potential. I am eternal. I am WHOLE. I am love. I am at peace with myself. I am all of that and more and yes, I am a dam good mother too.

Remember, you are a multi dimensional being unbound by names, possessions and identities. You are an untethered force of light and love here to shine bright like the star that you are. 💫

Today, break free from the chains that bind you to names and titles. Embrace all that is you.

Love always,

Hayley xx

Prisoners of the Past

The past has a funny way of creeping up on us. Just when we thought we were free from it’s constraints,  we suddenly find ourselves prisoners of the past once more.

So how do we free ourselves from this unwelcome visitor?  The key is to recognise the patterns in Past’s behaviour.

When does Past come knocking? When does Past knock the loudest? When is Past’s presence so insistent that he imposes on your present day peace and happiness?

You may not be able to prevent Past from visiting, but you CAN be prepared. You might start by politely requesting he move on. If he is insistent, tell him to fuck off and jog on! You have a right to close the door on Past, just as you have the freedom to open the door to Present and Future.

The truth is, Past will always come knocking, and often unexpectedly. But YOU have the power to choose what to do when he does.

Be not a prisoner of your own home. Free yourself.

‘Stand up and walk out of your history.’

Dr. Phil McGraw

Love Always,

Hayley xx

A New Year, A New Book

As we welcome 2018 and the first blank page of a new book, some of us are setting fresh intentions for the new year.

Even if you don’t believe in goal setting or resolutions, reflecting on the year gone by can help us to get clear on those aspects of our lives which no longer serve or nourish us.
As you envision the year ahead, you may want to ask yourself; What inspires me? Where do I see myself at the close of 2018? Who are the people I wish to surround myself with? What do I want less of? What do I want more of?

These simple questions can serve as a gentle guide to keep us aligned with a life of purpose and meaning. You may even want to review/change your intentions each month as you achieve, grow and evolve.

I’m a strong believer of progress not perfection. Try to remember this simple mantra as you move through the year: ‘Progress is far more important than perfection. I’m doing the best I can.’ Should you stumble with some of your personal commitments, remember to always be kind to yourself. With each new breath, we can begin again.

I wish nothing but the best for each and every one of you.

May 2018 and beyond bring you an abundance of joy, peace, laughter, fulfilment and love.

In love & light, 
Hayley xx 

The Three Grand Essentials To Happiness

Happiness is a state of mind; a state which can shift from pure contentment to complete dissatisfaction in any given moment. This change in perspective can be triggered by a number of outside circumstances seemingly out of our control; unexpected news, the loss of something dear, an ill-mannered interaction with a stranger…

At times our discomfort is prolonged and happiness can feel like a distant memory. I remember the overwhelming feeling of complete sorrow in the long months that followed my Dad’s death. I was a sinking ship. Afraid of marring others with my grief, I’d hide my devastation beneath a brave face, but on the inside I was an empty vessel lost at sea. If I knew then what I know now, I would advise my nineteen-year-old self to honour her feelings; to be unafraid of reaching out and asking for help.

If you are feeling bereft, try not to stuff down your emotions. Be kind to yourself and trust that this feeling will pass. It may not go away entirely, but as sure as the tides ebb and flow, so will your state of happiness. Nothing in life is constant. As rocky as the oceans may seem, the tides will settle in time. So don’t lose heart. It’s not your job to control the weather – life is unpredictable. But we can learn to navigate the storms, we can learn to stay afloat instead of drowning.

We can begin with the three essentials to happiness.

Something to do:

This could be as simple as petting your dog; making a start on a long neglected project or planting some vegetables to harvest in winter. Participating in life brings us back to the only moment we have – NOW. It is now that we are free from the binds of the past and worries about the future. For me, writing, walking in nature, and belly laughing with loved ones always brings me back to a state of gratitude for the moment I’m in.

Something to love:

At our core, we are pure, unbounded love. Therefore, not to love is a slow death to the soul. Yet many of us forget that we cannot give away what we don’t have. Love begins first with oneself. Not in a conceited self-righteous way, but in a way that is non-judgemental and self-accepting. When we truly love ourselves, we are able love others unconditionally. Make a promise each day to look in the mirror and say with deep compassion: “I love you.” Watch how that love flows outward to others.

Something to hope for:

Studies have shown that those who practice optimism and gratitude live longer, healthier lives. Hopeful individuals repeatedly show reduced levels of stress, anxiety and depression. Hope instills a sense of faith that everything will work out for our highest good. You don’t have to be religious to have faith in a higher power. You can have faith in yourself; faith in a loving Universe, faith in others, faith in a non-denominational Divine guidance. In short, faith and hope free us from the shackles of limiting beliefs, bringing a sense of peace to even the darkest of days.

Today, take the time to do something you love. Reflect and give thanks for this moment. Trust that everything is precisely as it is meant to be, and keep the faith.

In love & light,

Hayley xx

Free Yourself.

 

There comes a time when we must be free. Free from the binds of the past and the limitations it has imposed upon us.

Have you been feeling trapped or misaligned from your truth? Maybe you relinquished control to another? Did you compromise on your values in order to keep the peace? We may lose our way momentarily and forget who we are, forget all that we stand for – but it is time to let go of all that. It is time to forgive ourselves. For it can happen to the best of us.

As we become attuned to our deepest selves we begin to recognise the ways in which we feel limited or constrained.  In what ways have we handed over our power? In what ways have we sacrificed our own sense of joy and happiness to avoid rocking the boat?

Today make peace with yourself. Make a firm promise to never settle for anything less than your own self-respect and integrity. Now is the time to take back control of your life – to rewrite your story, to step into your truth and reclaim your forgotten sense of freedom. You are entitled to be free. So free yourself. ‘Stand up and walk out of your history.’

In love & light,
Hayley xx

 

1 + 1 = 2

Writing 101, Day 7: Let social media inspire you

Today’s prompt was to choose one of five possible tweets as inspiration for today’s post. Since I work in a primary school and am studying for a degree in English Literature, this one stood out to me the most. (I don’t use Twitter so hopefully I have been able to imbed this tweet into my post correctly.)

You study, study, study, and at the end, you are lucky enough to discover the greatest gift of education: that you know nothing at all.

— EJ Koh (@thisisEJKoh) January 7, 2014

I am somewhat torn when it comes to education, I am a student of English Literacy; but mostly, I am a student of life. I love to learn new things, but admittedly, I tend to stick to the subjects I am most passionate about and those which are relevant to my life. As a result, I am often at a tug of war when teaching from the National Curriculum; a curriculum which, with its increasing demands and emphasis on Maths and Literacy, threatens to pigeon hole children and crush creativity.

Whilst I love my job and fulfil my role to the best of my ability, I often feel torn between doing what’s right for the children, and doing what’s expected of me in terms of the National Curriculum. So much pressure is placed on schools to meet the level of expectations in Maths and Literacy, that nurturing children’s inner passions and creativity are often pushed to one side. Children are quickly categorized into ‘lower ability,’ ‘middle ability’ and ‘higher ability’ groups based on their Math’s and Literacy results. I often find myself thinking; ‘Maybe those particular children do struggle with long division, and maybe they don’t know the difference between a verb and a noun – but has anyone noticed how well Alfie plays the drums? Has anybody else seen how intricate Libby’s drawings are and her care for detail?’

It does sadden me when children have to sacrifice their chance at creativity in favor of extra Math’s and Literacy. In an attempt to bring them up to scratch with the expected level of ‘standards’, they are taken out of lessons that aren’t viewed as ‘core subjects’, such as Art and Music. This isn’t just happening in the school I work in, it happens across the country. For all we know, Alfie could be the next Ringo Starr and Libby the next Beatrix Potter, but we won’t discover that yet because Alfie and Libby are too busy taking extra Maths and Literacy for us to nurture their God given gifts and talents.

It’s not that I don’t see the importance of Maths and Literacy, because I do; but is it really necessary for a child of eight and nine to be doing algebra and long division and calculations that are so difficult even the teachers are struggling to teach them? Surely teaching children how to save, to budget and how to handle their finances has more relevance in the real world? Take Literacy for example, is it necessary for children of primary age to know the difference between an embedded clause and a complex sentence? Or is it more important that they know how to express themselves without fear of forgetting to use the aforementioned? Or that they know how to write a letter or apply for a position in a workplace or college?

In my ideal world, all children would learn how to read and write and be taught basic Maths and Literacy at the start of each day, along with Physical Education. In the afternoons, those who wish to pursue further Maths or further Literacy are given that opportunity; those who wish to pursue Art, can, and those who wish to develop in Science or sport or languages or any other subject for that matter, can. So, in essence – an opportunity to enroll in subjects, with specialized teachers of that field, not just at college level, but at Primary level too – so that children have the freedom to explore the subjects they feel most passionate about and are encouraged to do so from a very young age. If we have the opportunity and skills to nurture our children’s inner passions and creativity whilst preparing them with valuable life skills for their future – why wouldn’t we do this? Why is the focus placed so strongly on Math’s and Literacy? Offering a varied curriculum would also open up job opportunities for parents and adults who can play music, coach sports, sew, paint, have published works etc Every one can get involved in shaping our children’s education and future – regardless of how good we are at Maths and Literacy.

When I read EJ Koh’s Tweet, I realise that I know nothing of the things I learnt in school, other than the subjects I was passionate about. I don’t remember how to do algebra, I don’t remember how to speak in French, but I do remember how to read and write; and that, for me at least, is enough.

What are your thoughts on how children should be educated?

A Pause for Thoughts…

So far, my meanderings down memory lane have opened up some old wounds. I have relived painful emotions that I thought were buried long ago – as it goes, they were merely tucked away, hidden beneath the many depths and layers of my existence. One thing I have learnt during this process, is that reliving the pain of the past causes the original emotion, the one that was felt at the time, to resurface, making it all seem very real and raw again. I would be lying if I said I hadn’t cried fresh tears since embarking on this journey through my blog. So why, one might ask, would you put yourself through the trauma all over again? The answer is simple; revisiting the past after a period of healing is, for me at least, a chance to release some of the old hurts surrounding that time in my life – to unearth the tender emotions buried deep within so that I may replace them with meaningful substance. However deep and turbulent these waters seem at times, I know that they eventually lead to a beautiful, tranquil place; a place of freedom and a place of peace.