Tag Team

Raising children isn’t easy – it brings a whole new dynamic to your relationship. As much as we love our little ones, there’s no doubt that when a baby arrives there are parts of your old self and your old relationship you will grieve; the freedom, the spontaneity, the flexibility, the long lazy lay ins together, uninterrupted dinners…

Despite the changes children inevitably bring, the success of your relationship will come down to how committed you are at ‘working together.’

Last night, after a four hour tag team struggle to wind our little one down for his bed time routine, I sobbed into my cold dinner.

Thankfully, my man was there for me reminding me that I’m doing a great job and the best I can.

Who do you have working together with you? Raising little ones requires us to work as a team. If you don’t have your partner around, assemble your team of friends, family, neighbors.

You needn’t do this alone.

But for those of you who ARE working together as a couple, remember that it is precisely this ‘working together’ that will lead to the ongoing success of your relationship and your growing family.

What are your top tips for ‘working together’ for a successful parenting relationship?

Love always,

Hayley xx

6 Self-Care Tips

Rituals of self-nourishment are the invisible binds that hold our lives together, without them we begin to unravel and fall apart.

Self-care isn’t selfish – it is essential. 

Last week I took a step back from my demanding schedule to simply BE.

Afterwards, I felt compelled to share a post detailing my top 6 Self-care Tips you can begin to use today to nourish your soul.

You can find my post here!

Be sure to let me know how you like to ‘fill your cup’ to ensure you have more love and energy left over for others…

In love & light,

Hayley xx

5 Simple Steps Towards Letting Go

I have just hit ‘publish’ on my latest post: ‘5 Simple Steps Towards Letting Go.’ If you are struggling with the loss of a loved one, job or relationship, then check out the link here.

I hope the tips I share ease your pain somewhat and provide you with some comfort.

In love & light,
Hayley xx

The Magic in The Mundane

I often wonder at the contrast of life. It is oftentimes noted that without contrast, we could not know life’s opposites. Without knowing what we do not want, how could we ever know what we do want?

It got me wondering about finding the magic in the mundane. Being mindful and present even when life is lacking in obvious spark.

It is easy for us to feel inspired when looking out over the vast ocean, or delighting in a fresh slice of water melon. But is it only when basking in the flood of a magnificent sunset, or when nature cajoles us to walk beside Her and revel in Her harmonious ways, that such peace and bliss may become accessible? What when we are in the midst of a disagreement with our spouse? Or when we have shattered something sentimental and dear? When our dreams have become broken or worse still, simply faded away?

In times such as these, we don’t often notice the magic. We dismiss life’s teachings and the growth opportunities being offered.

If we are unable or unwilling to take a step back and view the bigger picture, we risk becoming misaligned, disconnected from our truth. Could a disagreement with a loved one be an assertion of our boundaries, giving voice to something that has long remained unspoken? Maybe it is our own behaviour that requires attention, and so is being brought to light for the greater good of the relationship? Did we break or lose something tangible because we have been refusing to let go of the past? Forgetting that love is not short-lived, but enduring and eternal? Maybe our unfulfilled dreams are a reminder that life is too short to squander our time feeling despondent and powerless?

Whatever the reason, these moments are here, not to cause our lives to become stagnant, blocked and miserable, but to allow us to recognise beauty when we see it, to feel elation and joy when they come to visit, to know the blessings that transcend pain, and to be grateful that we can know all of this – because had we not experienced their opposite, we could never come to know the fullness of finding such magic in the mundane.

In love and light,

Hayley xx

‘No’ is a complete sentence.

The biggest gift we can offer others as we journey towards our own joy and peace, is the gift of independence.

Many light-workers, (those who love to share their healing with others) make great counsellors. And often unpaid counsellors. We counsel our friends, our families, our colleagues, our partners, and even complete strangers!

Light-workers (whether you know you are one or not) will often hear statements such as; ‘You give great advice…’, or, ‘I’d like your opinion on something…’ In the beginning, this feels good. We love to help and be of service to others. We are healing others and healing ourselves in the process. That is what light-workers do. Our hearts are open and we are usually always willing to listen and assist. However, this often comes at a price.

Before we know it, we are inundated with people wanting our ‘help’ with something. And because of our kind natures, we often find it difficult to say ‘no.’ But unfortunately, if we do not learn that ‘no’ is a complete sentence and requires no explanation or justification, then we risk becoming exploited by certain people. You know the ones. Those who offload all of their latest baggage onto you, rarely pausing for breath until the moment you about to part, and then finally remember (and usually as an after thought) to ask: “And how are you?!”
“I’m good!” we lie. 
We should do this again!” they say. “I feel so much better…”

And I am not talking about the friends who are just having a bad day. I am talking about the ones who are always having a bad day. The ones who love to spatter us with paint balls of problems. And rather than the pretty hues that colour our lives, we are pummelled with dark, muddy, greys and blacks that leave throbbing red marks for hours, sometimes days afterwards! Julia Cameron likes to call these people the ‘crazy-makers’. We all know a crazy-maker or two. They are the ones who never pick up on (or choose to ignore) our subtle hints of; “I’ve got a lot on at the moment…” or “I’m working on something dear to me…”
“Oh – this will only take a moment!” they reply. Or; “So when can I call/see you then?” they persistently ask. “You work too hard – relax! Come and let your hair down!”
Yeah right, like ‘relax’ is ever on the agenda when in their company. Before we know it, we have become resentful. Our willingness to help has cost us our own joy and wellbeing.

It is then that we realise the best gift we can offer another human being is their independence. To teach them, not to rely on our broader perspective, but to tap into their own inner guidance.  It is our job to teach people how to become their own counsellors. And we can do this with love.

This week, after being inundated with message after message of drama after drama, I finally realised that the person in question didn’t need genuine guidance after all – they simply wanted to feel justified. And so, feeling weary, exhausted and noticing the effects my involvement with this person was beginning to have on my own life and relationship, I responded with love; “Choose the path that brings you the most peace. Follow your heart, your inner compass. If you listen to your heart, it will always lead you back to love and joy. But you didn’t need me to tell you that … you got this!  😉 ” And sure enough, they figured it out for themselves. Rather than give the gift of continuous guidance, I gave the gift of independence.

Who, in your circle, is dependant on you for advice? Next time you meet, or speak – send them love. But be firm. Send them the gift of independence, and then politely send them on their way. You will both feel much lighter as a result. And hopefully, your friendship (if genuine) will flourish as a result of your new found heart space.

As light-workers, we cannot heal the masses if we are spending all of our valuable time and resources on a handful of needy crazy-makers.

In love and light,

Hayley xx

Open Hearts

There are times when our hearts become closed. Just like tender skin that has come into contact with a hot stove; we contract and recoil from the pain. Our body’s defence mechanisms are designed to protect us from further discomfort; if we fail to withdraw, we risk severe burns, or worse still – death. Our natural reaction, therefore, is to retreat.

But what happens when we remain constricted, when we close our hearts through fear of ‘getting burnt’? When we build a wall of protection around us, we cut off the natural flow of love. Not only do we prevent ourselves from giving love, but we also restrict our ability to receive love. What is called for is not complete constriction, but caution; which is simply another word for ‘attention’, or ‘awareness’.

Just as the stove does not purposely set out to burn our skin, it is not usually another’s intent to inflict harm upon us (with the rare exception under extreme circumstances, of course). But more often than not, we get hurt because there was some degree of carelessness involved. Our own carelessness or that of another. Maybe the heat was turned too high and the pot had reached boiling point? Could it be that we rushed in impatiently, or approached at the wrong angle? Maybe we neglected the stove completely and a fire broke lose? Whatever our reasons for getting burnt, regardless of who was to blame, the affects need not result in the permanent closing down of our kitchens. And the same is true of our hearts.

When we remain open, we choose expansion over constriction. The doors are set ajar for love to drift through once more, filling our hearts with the sweet aroma and comfort of joy. To close our hearts is to take a pillow to our souls and smother our very essence. At the core we are love. And to restrict that life force within us is a slow death for fettered hearts. That is not to say that if you are dealing with a hazardous or faulty stove that you shouldn’t replace it, because your safety and wellbeing is paramount. But what I am saying, is that there is no need to stop cooking, to stop loving, to shut up shop and starve.

It is ok to allow ourselves to be vulnerable. We need only exercise more care and attention, that’s all. But what if I am hopeless in the kitchen? – you may ask. As a child raised on boxed food and packet noodles in working class Tameside, I reply: cooking takes practice and patience. We don’t always get it right. Sometimes it leaves our kitchens in complete disarray, or an unpleasant taste in our mouths which can linger –  but when we do manage to create something wonderful, nothing compares to the pleasure and comfort of a sumptuous home cooked meal, prepared with tender loving care.

Those are the ones that warm our hearts, soothe our souls and ‘light the whole sky.’ That, my Dear, is a love that tastes simply divine.