The biggest gift we can offer others as we journey towards our own joy and peace, is the gift of independence.
Many light-workers, (those who love to share their healing with others) make great counsellors. And often unpaid counsellors. We counsel our friends, our families, our colleagues, our partners, and even complete strangers!
Light-workers (whether you know you are one or not) will often hear statements such as; ‘You give great advice…’, or, ‘I’d like your opinion on something…’ In the beginning, this feels good. We love to help and be of service to others. We are healing others and healing ourselves in the process. That is what light-workers do. Our hearts are open and we are usually always willing to listen and assist. However, this often comes at a price.
Before we know it, we are inundated with people wanting our ‘help’ with something. And because of our kind natures, we often find it difficult to say ‘no.’ But unfortunately, if we do not learn that ‘no’ is a complete sentence and requires no explanation or justification, then we risk becoming exploited by certain people. You know the ones. Those who offload all of their latest baggage onto you, rarely pausing for breath until the moment you about to part, and then finally remember (and usually as an after thought) to ask: “And how are you?!”
“I’m good!” we lie.
We should do this again!” they say. “I feel so much better…”
And I am not talking about the friends who are just having a bad day. I am talking about the ones who are always having a bad day. The ones who love to spatter us with paint balls of problems. And rather than the pretty hues that colour our lives, we are pummelled with dark, muddy, greys and blacks that leave throbbing red marks for hours, sometimes days afterwards! Julia Cameron likes to call these people the ‘crazy-makers’. We all know a crazy-maker or two. They are the ones who never pick up on (or choose to ignore) our subtle hints of; “I’ve got a lot on at the moment…” or “I’m working on something dear to me…”
“Oh – this will only take a moment!” they reply. Or; “So when can I call/see you then?” they persistently ask. “You work too hard – relax! Come and let your hair down!”
Yeah right, like ‘relax’ is ever on the agenda when in their company. Before we know it, we have become resentful. Our willingness to help has cost us our own joy and wellbeing.
It is then that we realise the best gift we can offer another human being is their independence. To teach them, not to rely on our broader perspective, but to tap into their own inner guidance. It is our job to teach people how to become their own counsellors. And we can do this with love.
This week, after being inundated with message after message of drama after drama, I finally realised that the person in question didn’t need genuine guidance after all – they simply wanted to feel justified. And so, feeling weary, exhausted and noticing the effects my involvement with this person was beginning to have on my own life and relationship, I responded with love; “Choose the path that brings you the most peace. Follow your heart, your inner compass. If you listen to your heart, it will always lead you back to love and joy. But you didn’t need me to tell you that … you got this! 😉 ” And sure enough, they figured it out for themselves. Rather than give the gift of continuous guidance, I gave the gift of independence.
Who, in your circle, is dependant on you for advice? Next time you meet, or speak – send them love. But be firm. Send them the gift of independence, and then politely send them on their way. You will both feel much lighter as a result. And hopefully, your friendship (if genuine) will flourish as a result of your new found heart space.
As light-workers, we cannot heal the masses if we are spending all of our valuable time and resources on a handful of needy crazy-makers.
In love and light,
Hayley xx
Dear Dad 