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Found.

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Day Thirteen: Serially Found
On day four, you wrote a post about losing something.
Today’s Prompt: write about finding something.
Today’s twist: if you wrote day four’s post as the first in a series, use this one as the second installment — loosely defined.

I didn’t know it at the time, but from my deepest despair was to emerge one of my most deepening and life-affirming discoveries.

One thing that continued to torment me when Dad died was the inconceivable notion that he was ‘gone’. That concept – the idea of Dad no longer existing was heart wrenching for me, as I am sure it is for many others coming to terms with the loss of a loved one, and I found it incredibly hard to accept. In my deepest despair I would find myself asking, ‘Dad has gone…but gone where? How could such a beautiful human being, with so many thoughts, experiences, emotions and memories, simply cease to exist? Become…nothing?

Someone must have heard my inner torment, because five months later, I experienced my first awakening to what can only be described as a world far beyond our own earthly realm – the world of Spirit.

“We will know if it’s a load of b*llocks,” said Mum. She has always had a way with words. We were parked outside Maria’s house, attempting to settle our nerves and emotions – neither of us knowing what to expect – both feeling more than a little sceptical. “And I’ll be really upset if she’s making it up…” Mum continued. Mum is a natural pessimist and I often find myself having to bite my tongue – but on this occasion, I too, was feeling rather doubtful – hopeful! But doubtful nevertheless… I wondered how I might react to the disappointment we were potentially subjecting ourselves to, I didn’t think our hearts could withstand any more sorrow, so I quickly banished those thoughts. This was our first, if somewhat dubious, attempt to heal the gaping wounds, and there was no backing out now. I turned to Mum. “Well – there’s only one way to find out!”

We climbed out of Mum’s Peugeot and stood at the foot of Maria’s driveway. Mum and I made a quick pact to give nothing away – no leading information, nothing that Maria could use to formulate a response. We edged towards Maria’s front door. Mum nudged my arm, gesturing towards the doorbell and then glanced all around her as though Casper or Slimer might jump out from behind a bush at any moment and scream, ‘BOO!’ I pressed the doorbell. Ding dong. The door was answered by a boy of about fifteen. He had the sullen air of your averaged teenaged boy turned butler for his mum. He mumbled for us to take a seat in the hallway, before skulking through the door to our right. Mum knotted her hands together. Neither of us spoke. Though small and compact, the entrance had a homely feel to it, with cedar wood doors and skirting boards. The walls were light and painted cream, and so far, I hadn’t seen any purple fabrics draped over doorways, or any trace of a black cat! Were we in the right place?

Just then, the door to our left opened, revealing a short, round lady in her fifties. She smiled warmly and invited us in tomystic meg take a seat. This room was also light and cosy, with a sweet, rich scent of sandalwood. Maria plonked herself in the tall
armchair behind the wooden table. At the time, I was nineteen, and my only experience of anything remotely physic had been on the television, when Mystic Meg would appear on the National Lottery Live predicting who the week’s winner would be. Needless to say, I was a little confused by the warm, motherly figure seated before me; she didn’t have jet black hair, she wasn’t skinny and bony, and she certainly wasn’t dressed in a cloak! In fact, she reminded me a little of Mrs Tiddywinks (minus the prickles), and I remember mrs tiddywinklethinking that she seemed more suited to baking homely treats in the kitchen than peering into crystal balls and talking to ghosts…

Maria told us of the different readings she offered and asked why we were there. Mum and I glanced at each other, remembering our pact outside; but looking at the table before Maria, I noticed that she seemed to be missing her crystal ball, and so I figured she needed something; I settled on, “We recently lost someone…”  Maria offered her condolences, and then the room fell silent. She tilted her head and appeared to listen, her gentle eyes dancing around the room, as though they could see unseen things.

And then she said it. Just like that.

No prompts, no questions, simply; “I am joined by a man who appears to be in his late forties. He’s very tall!” Mum gasped and turned to me, her eyes awash with sudden tears of elation. I too, was engulfed in emotion as every ounce of my being flooded with love. Pure joy overtook me as I was enveloped with an overwhelming sense of relief. In that instant, I knew – knew that my Dad was in the room – that this lady, by some indescribable and unexplained gift of hers, was able to see him, to connect with him on a level I had never imagined possible in real life; that is, until that moment. Dad was here, in this room. He was no longer lost. I was no longer lost.

As Maria continued, Mum and I were utterly spellbound. ‘Before we go on,’ she said. ‘He wants you both to know that he didn’t even realise he’d passed over until his Mum came to meet him, so you mustn’t torture yourselves any longer.’ Mum and I squeezed each other’s hands tightly as the tears began to flow again. Those words were a healing medicine – poured over the wounds that months of torture, guilt and grief at the thought of our gentle giant dying all alone and in pain, had left behind. Never has one person’s words provided me with so much release as the one’s spoken by Maria on that day. With every word spoken, my heart grew lighter and lighter. I was finally free from the formidable constraints of guilt and oppression that had burdened me for so long, burdened us for so long.

A steady stream of truths about my Dad that no person could ever fabricate without having known him ensued. There was no doubt in our minds that Maria was communicating with Dad directly. She told us that he still bickered with his Dad and his brother, to which we all giggled. Maria had no way of knowing that both my Gran and Grandpa and my Uncle on my Dad’s side were also deceased – yet she knew Dad was with them. She reassured us that Dad was now free of the afflictions that hindered him during his lifetime. “All spirits,” she assured us, “leave behind any ailments when they pass over.” Those words were so comforting. She also told us that Dad was drawing again – a talent he had had to give up after his brain hemorrhage – a talent that both my sister and I appear to have inherited from him. Dad especially loved to draw birds – Kingfisher’s and Kestrels, and now he was, once again, drawing beautiful pictures. Maria told us many things that day. Naturally, Mum and I didn’t want the session to end, but of course, the time came when we had to say our goodbyes. Although this time, goodbye seemed less heavy than before – goodbye wasn’t goodbye at all. We’d found Dad again.

At the end of the session, Mum got out her purse and Maria stopped her. “I don’t charge people who are grieving,” she said. We couldn’t believe it. If ever anybody doubted the authenticity of Maria’s gift, her refusal to charge us a single penny that day is enough to erase all trace of doubt from anyone’s mind. Maria is a very special lady and what she gave to us was utterly priceless. What she gave to us was the gift of insight, the gift of communication, the gift of freedom, of peace, but most of all, she gave to us the gift of eternal love.

From that moment onwards, however painful some days may seem, however much I miss Dad and wish to be with him, to see him and to feel his presence again, I now rest deep in the knowledge that I am never truly without him – one thing I am sure of, is that I am forever surrounded by his love.

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7 thoughts on “Found.

  1. Ahhh and good morning to you too Deb! 🙂 (Although maybe I should be saying good evening?!) It is strange to think that one half of the world sleeps as the other goes about their day and vice versa! We don’t have that channel here in the UK – but I will check out that web site because I love to watch things like that – we have similar shows of that nature which I enjoy to watch, but not that exact show! My sister and my nieces enjoyed watching the Red Kites soaring over the hills this weekend as we enjoyed our lovely walks together 🙂
    I hope you get the paints out one day! I’d love to see what you create – that’s the beauty of art – it is your own unique interpretation of something! Good luck! xx

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  2. That was awesome! I’m so glad you were able to experience it, do you ever find things that maybe your Dad left as a sign that he is around? Pennies are really big for some reason, feathers are another and since your Dad loved to draw and paint birds that would be so appropriate. Isn’t it amazing how some people have that gift, don’t you wish you did? You write so beautifully and captivatingly, if that’s a word…I love to read what you write. And Bravo to you for pushing forward to completing the course…maybe you’ll be done in time for Writing 201…xo

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    • Thank you for your kind words Deb – this is the first time I’ve braved writing publicly and it’s a wonderful confidence boost to know that you enjoy what I write 🙂 Birds often appear on my walks and at very close range! I live in Oxfordshire which is one of the few places that is home to Red Kites – a large hunting bird named for the way it glides in one spot like a kite. My Dad loved hunting birds such as Kestrels, Owls and Eagles. Just the other day, a Red Kite was gliding over my head so close that I could see it’s every detail, even its eyes! It was breath taking! They’re usually very high in the sky! I’m always comforted by bird song – so soothing! Like Dad, me and my sister love to sketch – I ventured into water colours last year and loved it! Oo I will certainty try my hand at Writing 201 – I didn’t know they did that! xx

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      • Oh I got goosebumps just reading about the Red Kite. I don’t know if you get the tv channel Lifetime Movie Network but there is a show on Saturday nights at 9 called The Haunting of with psychic medium Kim Russo, it’s a reality show and it’s really good. She usually solves celebrities that have encounters with ghosts earlier in their lives. They go to the place where the ghost appeared and she usually uncovers fascinating information. If you don’t get it you can see clips and videos of the previous season at mylifetime.com. A new season starts tomorrow night, I love it!! I have considered my hand at painting, I cannot draw but thought it might be fun to smear colors around on a canvas to see what I create. I bought a few canvases, paints & brushes I should try it, maybe I’ll post it as a blog when I finish….hmmmm. I’m sure you know that all those birds are your Dad…isn’t that so cool! I find it interesting that here it is 7:30 pm Friday night my time and you are probably sound asleep right now and then when you respond I’m probably sound asleep…well we have the weekend to align…so when you read this I say to you, Good Morning!!! 🙂 xo

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  3. Hayley, my eyes are hazy with tears of pure love for you and your family. What a beautiful gift Maria has, and helped in some way to sooth your pain. Absolutely beautiful and thank you for sharing such a priceless memory. I dont suppose the lady is local is she?

    God bless you my dear friend xx

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